How To Get The Right Swipe

On Paper: It’s time to compete against the twenty-one-year olds who have thousands of social media followers and promising careers as Instagram models. It’s time to Tinder…   In Reality: The super likes had dropped. My fanny was drying up with the cold weather. I needed a solution. And that was when I discovered Saskia, […]

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22 Things I learnt At An Agricultural Uni

1. Everyone gets fat in first year. 2. This gilet will ignite your loins in ways you didn’t even realise were possible… 3. Whilst this program will make your blood boil to absolute breaking point. 4. It will take a very unique male to pull off the Dubarry boot. 5. “Does your farm come with […]

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To All The Women

  To the women who brought us into this world… “Mum, can I borrow some money?” “No. You’re old enough to make your own money.” And occasionally probably wanna take us out. “GET OFF THE STUDENT LOAN WEBSITE, YOUNG LADY – THAT IS NOT FREE MONEY!” To the women who continue to be our biggest fans and support […]

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The “Feelings” Date

On Paper: “New Year, New Me!” Narrator: In Reality: He was one of the 12 dates. I won’t say which one, so let’s call him… The Date(s) Our second date was magical… Our third date was glutenous… And our fourth date was… Friends began asking questions … “Debbie, are you ever going to return my […]

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How Blue Are You?

1) When you woke up this morning, what did you do? a) Did a quick workout, had breakfast and got to work early. b) Made a pillow fort. c) Spent 2 hours editing my, “I just woke up like this” selfie. d) Did a massive fart then hit snooze. 2) How would you describe your […]

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The Enigma Date

On Paper: Use WW2 Enigma machines, protocols and Sherlock’s deduction principles to create personalised cocktail recipes which will stay a secret between and you and our agents. Forever… In Reality: A week post Christmas… I began imagining the embarrassment of turning up to friends nuptials,, seeing them with their plus ones, pension schemes – dignity as […]

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The Mariah Carey Date

On Paper:  For 1.5 hours you’ll be taken through the DANCE moves OF A 90’s Christmas classic, Grab a mate and get on down to this Christmas Spectacular at Drink, Shop & Do In Reality: “Dear DD, I am just recently out of a 7 year relationship and have never officially been on a “first date”. Fancy […]

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