#1 Leave the UK

Well friends, family – and the odd facebook stalker here it is our tale begins at Heathrow…


The Airport


Debbie forgets passport and boarding passes half an hour into journey on the way to airport, going well.

Ellie forgets suitcase at check in, has to return to the parents to retrieve it – the fear starts sinking in their eyes

Try to check in as business class, fail


More tears

To steady parents nerves Ellie drops passport and boarding passes on the floor

Final farewell wave to the family

Go to 3 WHSmiths to find 50 shades trilogy

Board plane

The Plane

One hour into plane journey, Debbie’s control breaks for her tv – forces Ellie to play ‘Who Wants to be a Millionaire’ on her screen

Debbie discovers having 1% of body fat is not ideal on long haul flights, boney bottom begins to cut through seat

Both pop to the toilet, Ellies got her shoes on the wrong feet, Debbie can’t open toilet door (random stranger ‘you two are doing well’)

Sit back down, Ellie sleeps Debbie watches

Next toilet break, Debbie walks in on small asian man who then feels the need to come out and find her escorting her back into his toilet to overcome the awkwardness – makes it worse

Manage to insult every hostess (Ellie ‘shes fit from the side but not from the front’ after being handed complimentaty juice)

Debbie gets stared out by baby

Ellie wants to steel the baby

Plane lands, try to steal blankets

Hand blankets back to airhostess

Arrive in Land of Umpa Lumpas

Wait for luggage, Debbie bends down due to tummy ache – man farts in her face

Go find transfer, nice NORMAL looking lady explains its all sorted just to wait by the front desk

Moments later 5ft (Louise wall size) Malaysian skinny man comes sprinting in shouting ‘COME GET IN THE TAXI QUICK, THE COPS ARE OUTSIDE’

Ellie and Debbie collapse with hysterics

Old man still screeching (he later explains this is due to people putting car bombs in unnattended vehicles…reassuring)

Get in taxi, taxi man explains how he hates Australians and anything to do with Australia so find his question “what are your plans?” tricky to answer

Ellie sees a kangeroo

Taxi man explains that it is a fat dog that has bloated from the heat.


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