#8 You know that recurring nightmare of waking up in a classroom naked…

Wake up

Check out of comfortable single sex dorm

Check in to uncomfortable mixed sex dorm

It’s empty

Judge room mates from choice of footwear

Countless pairs of boys toms


The owner of toms walks in

The owner of the toms girlfriend walks in (who resembles princess jasmin)

Third time fail

Ellie and Debbie meet Sid and leave for beach

Return a few hours later, burnt

Prepare for night of meeting neighbours cast

Before check gumtree, apply to numerous ‘farm role’ positions

Have mild chuckle at one requesting piggery assistants

Continue browsing

Phone rings

Liam from the piggery

Debbie answers

Ellie listens to Debbie discuss her love of agriculture and extensive practical experience with animal handling

Those of you who know said Debbie, also know she only just recently found out that just because a sheep has a black face does -not mean its a boy.

Phone call ends

Debbie has successfully persuaded Liam (and herself) she is queen pig farmer

Ellie decides against bursting Debbie’s ‘pig bubble’ and decides it time to get ready for night ahead

Meet up with Glaswegian friend, Fiona (human not fly) and head for pub

Member of neighbours cast walks in cue Ellie; “why is that Chav trying to sit with us”

Karl Kennedy enters *screech* followed by a botoxed Steph Sculley (Debbie takes note)

They go round tables having normal conversation

Debbie and Ellie return to usual stance of making every soul feel awkward within a 10 metre radius

Luckily FIona is there to keep conversation flowing

Watch Karl Kennedy and his ‘band’ destroy every killers song ever made

Start drinking shots and decide night is young head for bar called the Vineyard

Debbie spots attractive male

So it begins

Debbie and Ellie go outside for air

Attractive male asks for a lighter = connection made

Ellie watches Debbie put on posh english accent with every word followed by ‘darling’

Boy is Abercrombie and Fitch model

Debbie is ecstatic, while Ellie is being harassed by A&F models friend to come to yacht party

Ellie assess’s current situation, decides Hilton is too far gone and retreats for bed at 1 am


Debbie is back in hostel room at 2:30am gets into bed

It’s 5:30am

Debbie is downstairs in reception of hostel completely naked excluding a pair of knickers which read “join the mile high club”


It’s happened, Debbie has sleep walked

No key; can’t use elevator or stairs

Look to the right, 2 boys are on a computer

Debbie attempts casual ‘hey, don’t suppose you guys have a spare key’

They don’t  (blatant lie, I could see it in their pocket)

Kick stair door

Another concerned onlooker approaches he’s a hostel worker, lets Debbie upstairs into corridor of dorm

Does not have key to room, Debbie is left stood naked in corridor

It’s now 6am

Debbie decides to just bang down door with the realisation after this evening there is no dignity left to be saved

Ellie stirs, looking to Debbie’s bed


Roll eyes, turns round goes back to sleep

Girl lets Debbie in

Debbie jumps into bed hoping this is a nightmare

Debbie recounts evening to Ellie, she is horrified threatens to sack Debbie off for Sid as travelling partner

Benefit of the doubt ; no one will ever know in the hostel

Turns out girl who let Debbie into room at 6am has worked at the hostel for 2 years and serves Debbie and Ellie breakfast

Debbie’s head falls into her hands

Ellie looks to Debbie “why are you so weird”


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