It’s All Fun And Games – Until Someone’s Breast Explodes

A friend was having a Best of British party, everyone came as past Olympians, Royalty and historical figures (I turned up as Jordan) The party was soon in full swing (unlike my breasts which were solidly in place from all the padding).

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I had noticed a slight difference in my breasts (I assumed the daily shooting pains were from too much McDonalds) and there was a worry when the PIP scare happened (mother was having an absolute fit – I ignored her calls)

We returned from the party the following day (running down the street definitely looking like a prostitute, next to my friend dressed as a teapot)  I got undressed, but noticed my left breast looked different (it looked like a massive minstrel) I stayed calm and tried to mould it back to the original shape (I had a massive tantrum – hitting my deformed breast) 

I called my mum and explained the situation (Sobbing hysterically, declaring life over – I can’t live without my breasts) she was very understanding (‘I told you so’)

I got booked in with a private doctor who asked if I had noticed a difference (are you blind?!) He took a sample of fluid from my breast as he confirmed the breast had, in fact ruptured (you don’t say..) and raised concerns the PIP silicone (made of mattrress lining) was in my bloodstream (fantastic)

We kept the sample at home to send to the Harley Medical Group as evidence to get compensation (Sister ‘Why is there a test tube labelled Debbie’s boob in the freezer, that’s disgusting’)

As I went under for a second time I chose to only tell my close friends (fail – I missed Graduation, forgot to tell my tutor – so when my name was called a friend informed the year I sent my sincerest apologies as I was off having my second boob job)

I was thrilled with the results (they were even bigger) I left the hospital and couldn’t wait to show my friends (of friends/random people at parties as I can’t control my alcohol and run around half naked)

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