21 Stages Of A 21st Century Relationship

  1. You’ve spotted the male on Tinder, his bio is filled with personality and charm (“I’m 6ft”) quick swipe to the right:12071471_10208617013728984_1899744363_n
  2. The courting:
    “Hey how’s you?”
    “Not bad thanks, you?
    “I would honestly be down to have sex with you.”12077165_10208617013888988_1861434144_n
  3. Whilst you stalk the entire instagram examining past possible Ex’s.12086806_10208617135172020_1228776845_n
  4. You’ll buy a juicer, gym membership (anything) to pretend you have hobbies – when realistically your only hobby is embarrassing yourself.BritneySpearsTakesaRide
  5. After two, three dates (mentioning their name multiple times a day) your friends will start saying;“You are so in a relationship-”
    Oh shhh…don’t be so ridiculous”
  6. You imagine the philharmonic orchestra playing the wedding march as you ecstatically skip down the aisle. 12080707_10208611228544358_1995076549_n
  7. You delete all dating apps.
    “It’s not that I’m in a relationship – I just can’t be bothered anymore”12077494_10208611270425405_1402284257_n
  8. When suddenly, for no reason – communication lessens.tumblr_ls4jmmwvii1qjtv36o1_400
  9. You walk 1000 miles to randomly find something that you ‘casually’ bumped into giving you an excuse to send him a message in an attempt to start a conversation:“Omg – saw this and thought of you!”Spears_smurf
  10. If they don’t reply within the approapriate time frame (0-1 hours) you will experience a range from emotions:i) Questioning everything you’ve ever done.
    12071490_10208611305226275_1111849814_nbii) Sadness and pity for your broken heart.
    Britney-Dont-Want-to-Cry-GIF-1435016573iii) “Fuck everything.”
    237360_o

     

  11. Then the message comes …tumblr_noaqadF5aV1qdcxoeo1_500
    … And all is right with the world again.
  12. Almost – the brief silence has created paranoia.
  13. Commence: Stalking Stage.
    tumblr_ntradsdC5F1sbxna3o1_500
  14. The ultimate betrayal. A like on another girls instagram picture.
    crazy-bald-britney-spears
  15. Then worse – HE’S COMMENTED.
    britney-spears-crazy
  16. Creating rage against said random girl.

    britneyumbrellaX17_450x500

    …Only to discover they are being faithful. That girl on Instagram was their cousin.
    1439992568-cringing-gif
  17. You get smashed, paranoid and all those other fantastic qualities you’ve hidden) and ask: “What are we?” after two weeks of dating.
  18. Put phone on silent, archive his messages, regret every life choice ever made.
    12083612_10208655816699034_76545669_n
  19. He replies:
    “Lets just be friends…”Even though there was no friendship before – we don’t find each other funny and you NEVER talk to me.12067411_10208611562832715_542300433_n
  20. And so begin the 48 hours of mourning:
    – Re-downloading the apps
    – Convincing yourself you did nothing wrong
    – Friends spouting out recycled one liners;
    “If he can’t handle you at your worst, he doesn’t deserve you at your best” (cheers Marilyn)…“It’s not you, it’s him…”
  21. Come to terms with the truth…12087537_10208620420174143_1140741423_n

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s