21 Stages Of A 21st Century Relationship

  1. You’ve spotted the male on Tinder, his bio is filled with personality and charm (“I’m 6ft”) quick swipe to the right:12071471_10208617013728984_1899744363_n
  2. The courting:
    “Hey how’s you?”
    “Not bad thanks, you?
    “I would honestly be down to have sex with you.”12077165_10208617013888988_1861434144_n
  3. Whilst you stalk the entire instagram examining past possible Ex’s.12086806_10208617135172020_1228776845_n
  4. You’ll buy a juicer, gym membership (anything) to pretend you have hobbies – when realistically your only hobby is embarrassing yourself.BritneySpearsTakesaRide
  5. After two, three dates (mentioning their name multiple times a day) your friends will start saying;“You are so in a relationship-”
    Oh shhh…don’t be so ridiculous”
  6. You imagine the philharmonic orchestra playing the wedding march as you ecstatically skip down the aisle. 12080707_10208611228544358_1995076549_n
  7. You delete all dating apps.
    “It’s not that I’m in a relationship – I just can’t be bothered anymore”12077494_10208611270425405_1402284257_n
  8. When suddenly, for no reason – communication lessens.tumblr_ls4jmmwvii1qjtv36o1_400
  9. You walk 1000 miles to randomly find something that you ‘casually’ bumped into giving you an excuse to send him a message in an attempt to start a conversation:“Omg – saw this and thought of you!”Spears_smurf
  10. If they don’t reply within the approapriate time frame (0-1 hours) you will experience a range from emotions:i) Questioning everything you’ve ever done.
    12071490_10208611305226275_1111849814_nbii) Sadness and pity for your broken heart.
    Britney-Dont-Want-to-Cry-GIF-1435016573iii) “Fuck everything.”


  11. Then the message comes …tumblr_noaqadF5aV1qdcxoeo1_500
    … And all is right with the world again.
  12. Almost – the brief silence has created paranoia.
  13. Commence: Stalking Stage.
  14. The ultimate betrayal. A like on another girls instagram picture.
  15. Then worse – HE’S COMMENTED.
  16. Creating rage against said random girl.


    …Only to discover they are being faithful. That girl on Instagram was their cousin.
  17. You get smashed, paranoid and all those other fantastic qualities you’ve hidden) and ask: “What are we?” after two weeks of dating.
  18. Put phone on silent, archive his messages, regret every life choice ever made.
  19. He replies:
    “Lets just be friends…”Even though there was no friendship before – we don’t find each other funny and you NEVER talk to me.12067411_10208611562832715_542300433_n
  20. And so begin the 48 hours of mourning:
    – Re-downloading the apps
    – Convincing yourself you did nothing wrong
    – Friends spouting out recycled one liners;
    “If he can’t handle you at your worst, he doesn’t deserve you at your best” (cheers Marilyn)…“It’s not you, it’s him…”
  21. Come to terms with the truth…12087537_10208620420174143_1140741423_n

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