How We Met: Networking (I put my number in his phone whilst on another date.)
“Merryn, what you doing on Wednesday night?”
“Anything that doesn’t involve you.”
“We’re going on a date with a Bartender called Dave – he’s bringing a friend. You’re coming.”
Evening of the Date:
“Wait so who is this date with, the Bartender or the Potions Master?”
“I’m not sure.”
“And who am I going on a date with? He is bringing a friend isn’t he?”
“I think so.”
“So basically Debbie you’re going on a date with everyone and I might be going with NO ONE!”
We arrived at the bar, I introduced Merryn to Dave and we took our seats (“Debbie, he’s on his own”). Dave explained his friend was running a little late so we (they) attempted to make conversation until he quickly excused himself to the bathroom.
(“Debbie please start talking. This is so uncomfortable.” – “I don’t fancy him though” – “I don’t give a shit Debbie you are the connection here. SPEAK”) Dave returned and we ordered our cocktails:
(“You are gonna hate that, Debbie” – “it sounds delicious” – “you chose it because it sounds like a singer you know. Look at the ingredients”)
“Ergh, that sounds rank. Bollocks. WAITER!”
We talked about first dates. Dave mentioned he had recently been on a date with a girl who got completely smashed. Merryn laughed: “I’ve done that a few times” and I turned on my best friend (for absolutely no reason other than boredom) and shook my head disapprovingly.
“Merryn it’s actually really bad to get smashed on a first date.”
“I just think you need to start making better life choices.”
10 minutes later Dave received a phone call: “Freddie’s here”.
I quickly took Merryn aside: “Even if he’s not fit, just chat to him” (“What? Like the great example you are setting with your “date”/not date/fuck knows what the hell this is”)
And Freddie entered.
We quickly popped to the bathroom to freshen up whilst the boys caught up.
“OMG, OMG, OMG. Please, oh please, oh please can we switch.”
“You already have two dates this evening!”
“Merryn, I will give you £1000.”
“I don’t care. This can be your punishment.”
Freddie kept the conversation flowing (to which I was now enthusiastically contributing) everything he said was hilarious (HYSTERICAL – I applauded after every joke) and he mentioned he had a preference for tall girls.
(“Merryn for the love of God. I will give you my life savings for this” – “Nope.”)
By this point Dave (who?) mentioned we should go across the street to see the Potions Master.
Freddie: “So is this like a second date for you and this guy?” – “No no no Freddie. This is just a group of FRIENDS hanging out as FRIENDS.”
Merryn weighed in: “But I spose it is like a date – I mean you obviously like him otherwise we wouldn’t be here.”
Freddie was shocked: “Christ. You must be a really terrible date ?!” – “I’m not always the best. But maybe with the right guy…”
At the end of the evening we said our goodbyes (I tried to snog Freddie and got ignored by the two men I was supposed to be dating) and me and Merryn got a taxi home. (“Well that was the worst date of my life. Cheers.” – “At least we got to meet Freddie” – “Debbie, he seems a bit arrogant and doesn’t want to settle down till he’s 39”).
“Don’t make contact with him.”