Where we met: Whilst I was meant to be on a double date with his friend and he with mine.
The Day after the date:
So I popped outside for a breath of fresh air (and projectile vomited all over the entrance to Argos).
I messaged my housemate to let her know how it went.
“I’m sure you haven’t. What happened?”
I arrived at his, a loft conversion in the North of London that he was soon to convert into a cocktail/coffee club for members only.
“This is amazing! How can you afford all this?”
“I’m an entrepreneur. I work with companies that are suffering financially and either help them or sell them off to more profitable pastures.”
I tried to relate.
“I spose I’m a bit like an entrepreneur too”
“OK. Do you want a drink?”
It was like a scene straight out of Pretty Woman …
Half a pint of gin and a few glasses of prosecco later it became a scene pre – Richard Gere.
My date had mentioned the building used to be used for pornographic feature films.
I had another glass (pint) of gin, it all went hazy…and I turned into a monster.
The vast empty space left so much room for activities.
I stole lines from popular films.
Once I had “seduced” my date.
“Can we slow this down Debbie?!!”
He refused, but Kitty Kat denied his opposition:
“Come on cunt – what’s your fantasy?”
So I took that to mean being aggressively grappled.
“GET HIM OUT NOW”
“NO!!!…Seriously get off my belt!”
I took his (definitely not aroused) penis in my hand.
“WHAT’S WRONG WITH HIM?!”
We stopped at a restaurant (fast food chain).
“What do you want? Make it quick.”
“Chicken Mcsandwich meal, with coke and a free cheeseburger”
“It’s not free”
My date and I finished our meals (I threw the gherkins from my burger on the floor).
Then caught my taxi home.