#11 The Most Wonderful Date Of The Year

Where we met: Through a mutual friend (OFFLINE)

Attraction: He was a little shorter than me but…


“Henry, how do you fancy going on a date?”
“Where you thinking?”
“I dunno… just picking options out the air – Harry Potter World.. IN THE SNOW!??!!!”

We came to a mutual agreement – “I will take you to Winter Wonderland”

On the evening of the date I messaged to let him know I had arrived:

“Great, where are you?”
“By lots of buildings”
“Anything else?”
“There’s a bus stop”

Send me your location.

“Why didn’t you just say by the WW11 War Memorial?!”
“You’re gonna be hard work.”


My date arrived:


He handed over a carrier bag: “I don’t want your rubbish!” – “Debbie, look inside it…” – “Oh, sorry (it’s been a rough month)”

I pulled out my present and frantically unwrapped…

Whats wrong?!
“I wanted antlers.”
“Whats wrong with the Santa hat?!”

We reached the entrance. I spread out my long limbs to barge through the enormous queues: “Henry get behind me!”


And we entered Winter Wonderland: “Look at all the rides!!! THIS IS AMAZING!!”

“NO… THIS IS CHRISTMAS! Even the bins are happy to be here!!!”
“Debbie that’s a recycling bin with graffiti on.”

To go on the rides we needed to purchase tokens, apparently it was two tokens per ride.

“I’ll take 40” – “Debbie, that’s ridiculous. I’m not spending 40 quid on –”

WE’LL TAKE 100!!


I picked my first ride:

We passed over our tokens. “Keep the change.”
(I’m pretty much a millionaire right now.)

Then the carnival worker demanded more! Henry stepped in:
“WE GOT TOLD TWO TOKENS A RIDE!” – “Sorry this one is 8.”


No longer “millionaires” we boarded the ride (Henry muttered: “how do you sleep at night” to the carnival worker. Hindsight, not the best thing to do to the guy controlling the ride). It began at a nice pace but soon sped up (this would have been fine) but after Henry’s minor disagreement with the conductor, every time we bombed past their control box they let off the “fake snow” (washing up liquid).
We went on a few more rides: “This is definitely a children’s ride. We are the oldest here by about 10 years” – “No it’s not!”

We went down secret alleys and were greeted by more Christmas cheer! (“Hey Henry – everyones down here!!” – “that’s because it’s the toilets”.) And had a quick snack to eat (“OH MY GOD WAFFLES!!“)

As I chose dinner (“waffles are NOT dinner” – “it is in Candy Land” – “please stop quoting elf.”)


Henry chose the final ride, I had specifically said no to a couple (“my breasts can’t handle vertical drops”).

He chose this:
“Henry I can’t.” (I began hyperventilating in the queue)
“You’ll be fine it will be over in 4 seconds.”
“You wont be saying that when my breasts fly out my mouth!”
“Wish I’d brought my go pro.”

Then as if by (fucking) magic:

Absolutely NOT
Henry: “YES”
“How much though?”

“I have enough tokens to feed the whole of Winter Wonderland – STICK IT ON HER HEAD NOW!”

And here’s that special video of me having the most wonderful date of the year.








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