Being dumped is upsetting (it’s shite): “I’m not ready…” – “Our lives are going in different directions.” (“You need to wash more.“)
YOUR PENIS TRIPPED AND FELL INTO ANOTHER HOLE.
Things aren’t great (they’re fucking awful) but they will be.
2) No more nights of paranoia and panic.
4) Instead of spending hours stalking their Instagram pictures (and their follower’s pictures, every person who has ever liked their photos pictures… and so on) use those hours on things that really matter in life.
6) Spend quality time with your friends you’ve neglected.
“Is this really sad?”
8) Start that hobby you’ve been lying about on your CV for the past 10 years.
10) Now is the opportunity to try the apps you’ve heard so many great things about…
11) Worried about going it alone – try Double and swipe as a pair. Chat as a four via the app and have a fun, sociable date (if it gets that far).
“Debbie can you just stop it!? I would like a date this year.”
“I’m not doing anything…”
“You just told them to search us on Pornhub “
13) Yes, the make up sex could be mind blowing. But getting totally bollocksed, waking up still bollocksed, climbing over the 8ft gated entrance to your new boyfriend’s castle and navigating home from the outskirts of London with no money, phone (or trousers) – now that is impressive.
14) And don’t forget the time your friend threatened to get back with their mental ex boyfriend who shat on the roof their car…
Listen to your own advice:
NO GOOD CAN COME FROM THIS.
15) Things will get easier. Your friends will stop asking if you’re ok and instead laugh at those times where they had to lie in fear of hurting your feelings:
“HA – Remember when you sent him a naked selfie and he didn’t talk to you for three days?”
16) This is a learning curb.