Crazy Golf At Plonk!

On Paper:

An evening of miniature golf with UV lighting, alcohol and a few uncomfortable hole in one puns – the perfect setting for any double date!

Just couple of swingers looking for a good time…

In Reality:

I began this year downloading every dating app available in the 21st century (life) and came across “Double” – here you can invite a friend to be your partner and swipe as a pair to double date.

My friend Merryn and I came across two lovely chaps who seemed willing. (“Debbie just have a normal conversation” – “What do you mean “normal”?!” – “STOP TELLING PEOPLE I LIKE INTERACTING WITH MY AUDIENCE ON BABESTATION”)

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So we began our normal (boring) conversation asking questions about when they were free for a date and what “activity” they fancied doing and came to the conclusion of Crazy Golf. Unfortunately my competitive nature is sometimes too much to conceal.

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2 days later they replied.

“NO MORE USING THAT EMOJI”

“I don’t even know what it means…”

“SERIOUSLY DEBBIE”

Fine…”

The date was arranged. I found my best golfing outfit (knee high socks, skirt which could be mistaken for pants and visor) and headed out to meet Merryn:

“What the fuck are you wearing?”
“I knew you’d love it – I’ve got you a visor too!”
“Just cover up your vagina.”

And off we went:
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We had a few drinks before the boys arrived (4 pints) and they entered…

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“Rob is mine.”

“Can we just get to know them first?”
“I know enough.

After brief introductions we were ready to hit the golf course and walked as a four (Merryn still attempting to keep it a “group date” as I followed behind with Curtis).
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We arrived at Plonk in Dalston – I’d booked the places for everyone so mentioned I would need the money back.

“Any of you take one foot on that course without paying me my £7.50...”
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Merryn was struggling a little – so I coached her round to save her from embarrassing herself any further:

“…Just give it a bit of spin, this sport is very similar to tennis-”

“YOU HAVEN’T PLAYED TENNIS IN 15 YEARS”

“I COULD’VE PLAYED FOR ENGLAND!!”
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“Anyway Debbie you’re shite as well!”

“IT’S NOT ME”

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We finished the 9 holes and I celebrated my victory (“HA I WIN” – “Only because you were keeping score.”)
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…But by this time I only had my eye on one hole (my own) and the love (eighth pint) took hold.

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We headed to a club nearby and carried on the party.

“Debbie, I’ve got to be up so early tomorrow – I know this is all part of your plan.”

“What plan? Stop being selfish Merryn and come on.”

30 minutes later…

“Bye guys!”
“YOU ARE A TERRIBLE FRIEND
“HUSH MERRYN. Come on Rob – follow me.”
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Cost: £7.50 per person (and almost terminating a friendship of 15 years.)

Dangerous Rating:
“Babe, what would you give this date out of 10?”
“Well the golf was fun so probably an 8 or a 9, you however-
“That’s enough.”
9 out of 10!

 

Morning after:

“Merryn…”
“I’m late for work and hungover to hell – what do you want?”

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Get your Plonk! on here: www.plonkgolf.co.uk

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