Leaving love to chance with the role of a dice. Could my date’s adventurous (dangerous) idea lead to love at first sight?
In terms of romantic openers his left a lot to be desired:
“I think I swiped right on you in the midst of a furious swipe right on everyone binge.”
“…But I’m glad I did. Debbie – I have an idea.”
“Once a year my two oldest friends and I go on a night out on which our every decision is decided by the roll of a dice called Howard. It could be the best, could be the worst night of your life. The dice decides…”
Oh my god…
“You in Debbie?”
I arrived at Waterloo station – adrenaline pumping, excited for what the night (not date – we’d had one conversation) held. We met at a bar and took our seats. He was friendly, polite and eased my fear of what I thought could be in his pocket.
Then he introduced me to Howard (I breathed a sigh of relief)
And explained the game.
“Debbie, each number will initially represent a different area in London.”
“And then when we get to each location, each number will mean which bar we go to – i.e if you roll a two, you have to go to the second bar/club/off licence (anywhere that serves alcohol) you come across.”
“Once you get into the bar, the numbers will represent which drink. So, 3 – beer, 5 – spirits, 4 – cider etc. Understand?”
“But there is only one rule. You must never go against Howard the dice.”
So the game began and I rolled…
“I got two!”
“Roll it again.”
“But you said-“
My second roll was three: Soho.
We gathered our belongings and made our way to the tube, when my date was suddenly thwarted at the barriers!
“Why the isn’t my bank card working?! Pretty sure there is at least £2.80 on there!?”
“It’s Howard. He knows we cheated!”
“Debbie, this is actually quite worrying -”
“Just use mine – the commuters are coming!!!“
We boarded our train. I tried to ignore the nagging feeling that Howard was aware of our deception (whilst my date actually shat himself that he’d been robbed):
“Debbie, what if someone has stolen all my money?”
“It’s Howard. He’s behind this.”
“I don’t think a dice has taken-”
“DON’T ANGER HIM ANYMORE THAN YOU ALREADY HAVE.”
We arrived at our first destination:
“Right Debbie you need to roll again: Evens – Turn right. Odds – Turn left”
My clinically short attention span began kicking in.
“Ergh. This is so long…”
“Just roll it.”
In Soho the possibilities were endless – stylish boutique bars, so fashion and glam.
So Howard took us here.
Where my date got the first round (his bank card miraculously working again when the dice rolled for a small glass of house white).
We quickly left for our second location where it was my turn to buy the drinks as my date apologised profusely; “Debbie, I swear I would never usually take a girl there”.
Whilst I quietly prayed to Howard.
We walked down the streets counting the bars as we went, and arrived at the fifth bar.
OH FOR FUCK SAKE
We headed inside towards the bar and rolled the dice which landed on spirits (obviously).
“Two gin and tonics please.”
“Would you like doubles or singles Madame?”
“Do you do halves?”
And took our seats at the blackjack table, where I put my life savings on the line…
“Mr Casino, I would like to bet one pound on 28, black.”
“Debbie you can’t bet one pound!”
“Fine. Mr Casino – make that…”
I lost and turned on my date.
“YOU OWE ME TWO POUNDS!”
“You rolled the dice?!”
“YES. BUT YOU WENT AGAINST HOWARD AND THAT DICE WAS PROBABLY HIS COUSIN.”
My date rolled a six which led us to an underground bar, and I rolled to decide our drink…
“Can we get two double vodka oranges.”
“Also what time do you guys shut?”
“We’re open till 4am tonight.”
“BABE LET’S GET SHOTS!!”
The vodka began flowing (tidal waving) and I began making my own dangerous decisions.
I’m going to take my bra off, roll up my jumper and thrust on the dance floor.
“Fucking hell Debbie?!!”
“It’s time to go home!!”
“Seriously Debbie your taxi is here. Do you have any idea where you live?!”
Cost: Depends if you are eternally cursed from smashing mirrors in a past life.
A fantastic 10 out of 10 evening!
For what would be the finale of Howard’s torment…
I awoke on a cold hard floor the following morning; confused, naked, alone (bonus) when I heard yelling:
“DEBBIE GET READY I’VE GOT TO LEAVE FOR WORK IN 5 MINUTES!!”
“Now Debbie! Also I can’t find Howard, is he with you?”
8 hours earlier…
“THIS IS THE BEST NIGHT EVER!!!”
“Debbie seriously, where is your bra?!”
“WHERE IS YOUR SENSE OF FUN!?”
“Right it’s your round. Roll Howard.”
I’m not proud of myself.
But I had no other option.