A Date To The Circus

On Paper:

A trip to the circus, just couple of lovers clowning around…

In Reality:

My date and I matched on Tinder. He was called Charlie, very good looking, 6’3, a copywriter, had a man bun and a beard.

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His chat began quite pessimistically…

“This is going to end badly isn’t it?”

I played ignorance to the odds never being in my favour…

“Why ever do you say that Charlie?”

We continued chatting for a few days, he was perfect  – spoke in full prose, had a love of Paris, every other message was a compliment on my womanly form.

Then I received a message from him via Instagram instead of Tinder.

“I think I’d like to feature in ones blog”

I had a little look through Charlie86 pictures, beard and man bun prominent in all – but he did look a little different (we’re all guilty of playing to our strengths on Tinder)…

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…So I ignored it.

And he sent across the idea for a date:

“Debs, I know this is a bit last minute but I’ve got a spare ticket on Friday to a show called “Barbu”  – It’s like this homoerotic circus?!”

(“Debs” already on pet names)

“Definitely! I’d love to!”

We continued chatting on the days leading upto the date –  but the conversation a lot more colloquial. Then he sent a screenshot from a past blog post of mine regarding height:

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But I brushed it off (love is very blind).

On the evening of the date we were mid flow in chat, when I heard a message ping on Tinder…

From Charlie.

“How’s your week going Debbie?”

Odd, why would he suddenly switch to Tinder after-

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“LAURA!!!!!”

“What now, you loud woman!?”

“CHARLIE ISN’T CHARLIE86!!”

“What?! So who are you going on a date with tonight?!”

“SOME RANDOM MAN FROM INSTAGRAM!”

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The Date

I got on the train, boggled at my own stupidity. Comparing the photos now I could see the obvious differences; Charlie was very clean cut, whereas Charlie86 had a massive tattoo up his arm and had a pet ferret.

I messaged my housemate to vent:

“Fucking hell, they’re literally like two completely different people Laura”

“THAT’S BECAUSE THEY ARE YOU BELLEND!”

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I arrived at SouthBank and began walking towards the theatre ready to meet my date.

Then out through the crowds he emerged:

A solid 5’5.

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We were running a little late so didn’t have time to get drinks before being shown to our seats:

“Debs I’m so sorry – this isn’t how I imagined it would be.”

Trust me – the feeling is so mutual.

The show began and four performers came onto the stage with ribbons.

I began to howl enjoying the homoerotic element
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Then the circus element kicked in…
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“Charlie did you see that!”

“It’s amazing isn’t it”

I looked to Charlie86, it wasn’t his fault he wasn’t Charlie Tinder.

This date might’ve been a total circus in itself – but still, it was a date.

And one is a professional.

So I put on my date face – and began…

The four men began to juggle.

“I can do that”

“You can juggle?”

“Yeah…”
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But then the four performers began juggling…


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“But can you do that?”

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Every time the performers did an insane move, I couldn’t contain my excitement

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“DID YOU FUCKING SEE THAT CHARLIE!?”

“Yes Debs, we all saw that, please – shhh a little...”

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“Please people are looking Debbie, calm the language-“

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“CHARLIE –  MY VAGINA WOULD’VE SPLIT IN TWO BY NOW!”

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The show came to an end with rapturous applause and they began handing out shots:

“Hey Charlie, you want one…?”

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“Yeah sure! I’m quickly popping to the toilet – back in a second”

I handed over the money and purchased us four each.

But unfortunately I don’t have eight hands so when my date returned…

“Debs – where are the shots?”

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My date got some more drinks in…

whilst I posed with my new celebrity circus friends:
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We began chatting about Steven, his pet ferret that he’d adopted from a homeless man (amazing) and I explained about Humphrey my pet sausage dog who is imaginary (weird). I was truly warming to Charlie86, then I heard a buzzing in my pocket and rushed to the bathroom:

Charlie Tinder: “Debbie, would love to take you for a drink this evening – I’m away for three weeks after tonight…”

I sat there in the cubicle…

Looking at my bald vagina.

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I left the bathroom and began the elaborate lie. I called my housemate the moment he was in earshot:

“OH MY GOD BABE – PLEASE STOP SHOUTING AT ME!!”

“Debbie you called me?”

“LAURA PLEASE – I DIDNT KNOW I HAD YOUR KEY!!?”

“Debbie I’m in the house – are you drunk-”

STOP SHOUTING AT ME! Look I’ll come home now!’

“Please don’t.”

I hung up the phone.

“Debs what’s going on?”

“I’m gonna have to go, my housemate is locked out and I’ve got her key!”

“Oh, well I had a really nice evening,  I could come back to Balham with you? I don’t want to say goodbye yet…”

The guilt started creeping in – we’d had a lovely evening, but this could be my only chance of happiness.

When you’re single, three weeks and forever are exactly the same.

DON’T JUDGE ME
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“Do you mind if we leave it this evening, and do it another time?”

“Oh ok. Well if that’s want you want to do Debs.”

I boarded the train.

Ignoring that little voice which so rarely gets listened to…

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And reached Balham.

I was just messaging Charlie to let him know I’d arrived when:

Charlie Tinder: “Debbie, so sorry but packing is taking a little longer, might have to leave it tonight – but have a great evening!”

 

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Charlie86: “Debs, I know that was the king of brush offs – old mate in distress call so don’t worry about that second date.”

 

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Cost: Around £20

Dangerous Rating:

10 out of 10 for Barbu!

Romantically however:

You can’t be a player…

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HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

DD x

 

 

One Comment

  1. Georgie

    This made me laugh out loud! I have done the same thing before- gone on a date and ended it to meet another guy who was a sure thing !!!

    Lols.

    Keep trying Debbie! 😄

    Like

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