17 Life Hacks To Smash 2017

1) Dating

Take dating offline. The next time a builder whistles don’t “tut” and act like you have options, ask for his number.

2) Relationships

Think outside the box.

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3) Hobbies

Just start pretending – everyone else does.

“What an amazing weekend doing what I love #wanderlust #soblessed #love #life #live”

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4) Social Media

Stop following girls that make you sad and if one crops up as a “sponsored post”…

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5) Fitness

Fuck the stairs. Run the wrong way up escalators – challenging and fun.

6) Food

Eat whatever makes you happy, and the next time you are sat in a restaurant with your best friend who is explaining to the waiter their sudden “allergies” to potatoes, flour, sugar, rice, egg, salt and only eats organic unicorn sperm. Say loudly:

“Shame you aren’t as fussy with dick.”

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7) Health

Get your cervical smear test done. You are perfectly happy to open your legs to every other rotter – just do it.

8) Careers

2016 has proven you can literally get any job with no qualifications or experience. So why not try something new for 2017 – start turning up to crime scenes dressed as Batman.

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9) Sex

Last year was hard on all us – especially your vagina.

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 10) Friendships

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However you are not a genius and still need to google how to open an incognito tab when watching porn so should probably start rebuilding bridges and expanding your current friendship triangle.

11) Family

Stop ignoring your mother’s phone calls.

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12) Travelling

Explore what is within your budget. It might not be #livingthedream but it is still enviable and educational:

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13) Money

No point in worrying about something you don’t have – moving on.

 14) Feminism

 If a guy can’t be arsed to take off his socks for a dick picture you definitely didn’t ask for then why should you make any special effort to remain pruned to perfection.

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15) Alcohol

 Donald Trump is the President of the United States.

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 16) Everyday

If anyone asks you to do anything (ever) – collapse to the floor and yell:

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17) STAY DANGEROUS

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DD xx

 

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