Take dating offline. The next time a builder whistles don’t “tut” and act like you have options, ask for his number.
Think outside the box.
Just start pretending – everyone else does.
“What an amazing weekend doing what I love #wanderlust #soblessed #love #life #live”
4) Social Media
Stop following girls that make you sad and if one crops up as a “sponsored post”…
Fuck the stairs. Run the wrong way up escalators – challenging and fun.
Eat whatever makes you happy, and the next time you are sat in a restaurant with your best friend who is explaining to the waiter their sudden “allergies” to potatoes, flour, sugar, rice, egg, salt and only eats organic unicorn sperm. Say loudly:
“Shame you aren’t as fussy with dick.”
Get your cervical smear test done. You are perfectly happy to open your legs to every other rotter – just do it.
2016 has proven you can literally get any job with no qualifications or experience. So why not try something new for 2017 – start turning up to crime scenes dressed as Batman.
Last year was hard on all us – especially your vagina.
However you are not a genius and still need to google how to open an incognito tab when watching porn so should probably start rebuilding bridges and expanding your current friendship triangle.
Stop ignoring your mother’s phone calls.
Explore what is within your budget. It might not be #livingthedream but it is still enviable and educational:
No point in worrying about something you don’t have – moving on.
If a guy can’t be arsed to take off his socks for a dick picture you definitely didn’t ask for then why should you make any special effort to remain pruned to perfection.
Donald Trump is the President of the United States.
If anyone asks you to do anything (ever) – collapse to the floor and yell:
17) STAY DANGEROUS