The Rock Climbing Date

On Paper:

The Castle is a dedicated climbing centre run by climbers for climbers, they have something to suit everyone’s ability, from beginners to experts, from the very young…

…To the not so sprightly

 

In Reality:

I initially panicked at the thought of rock climbing on a first date however my date settled my nerves by appearing more scared than I on his chosen activity.

 “Hopefully you aren’t loads better than me Debbie…”
“Oh trust me Rocky you have nothing to worry about – I’m weaker than I look.”

“Excellent, the worse you are – the better I look!”

Awwww

 

The Date

I arrived 45 minutes late and found my date stood at the entrance of The Castle.

“Hey Rocky!”

“Where have you been?”

“Sorry I got lost-”

“Go over there and get checked in before we waste anymore time.”

Rocky wasn’t quite the timid badger I’d imagined. But I did what I was told and went over to the interactive check in and filled out my details as he spoke with the receptionist.

After a short time he came back over to see my progress.

“You don’t need to fill out that part Debbie”

“Then who does?”

“Your supervisor”

“But who’s my supervisor?”

“I am.”

“WHAT?! YOU SAID YOU’D NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE! THAT YOU WERE SCARED-”

“Move so I can sign.”

Afterwards I was shown to reception to finish the sign in process:

“They need to quickly get a photo of you for their records Debbie.”

“What records?! Am I going to die out there Rocky?!”

“I’m going to the bathroom to change. Just smile for the camera.”

I sat rocking back and forth on my chair as I waited, then Rocky came out the bathroom in a t-shirt and tight shorts showing off his physique…

“Right, come over here Debbie – let’s get you in this harness”

He began to wrap the harness round my lower body then round my waist and through my legs and almost up my-

“Sorry this a bit intimate for a first date Debbie”

My fears slowly replaced by mild arousal…

“You crack on Rocky…”

Once I was safely in my harness…

“If you need to readjust that at any point Rocky – I’m totally ok with that”

“Should be all good  – you ready to climb the wall now?”

“What wall?!”

“That wall.”

Can I not start smaller?

“Thought you were Dangerous Debbie?”

I got in position as Rocky steadied himself at the bottom holding the harness and took my first few steps…

And within seconds (not minutes)

“THIS IS A PIECE OF PISS ROCKY!”

“FAMILY PARK DEBBIE!!!!”

“HONESTLY I’M SICK AT CLIMBING! FUCK YOU BIG WALL!!”

“LANGUAGE!!”

I climbed down the wall and looked to Rocky:

“So be honest, how did I do?”

“It was alright”

“Debbie you were stepping on every colour. To make it difficult you need to only stand on one colour rock-”

“I wanna look sick not shit Rocky.”

We left the big wall and decided to explore what else the castle had to offer:

“Who are those people Rocky? Why aren’t they wearing harnesses?”

“They’re called boulderers, in climbing there is an unwritten rule that mountain climbers with harnesses and boulderers who freestyle don’t mix. We can’t stay here long Debbie.”

I scoured the surrounding area and decided to challenge my date:

“Bet you couldn’t do what that boulderer is doing Rocky.”

“I could, but I probably shouldn’t with this harness on”

“Suuuure…”

“People get funny when you mix the two activities-”

 

“Oh fine!”

“So how did I do then Debbie?”

“Debbie?”

“Do you wanna go back to the other wall again Debbie?”

I began imagining those big powerful arms reaching around my boulders-

“DEBBIE!”

“Sorry. Yes, of course – big dic- WALL

We walked back to the wall and I retook my position determined to impress.

“Right, you ready to do some real climbing.”

“I’m so ready Rocky.”

“Ok, I’m gonna make it a little harder. You are only allowed to go up the red blocks”

“Ok”

“You’re on a purple block”

“NO I’M NOT!”

“YES AND NOW IT’S ON A BLUE BLOCK!”

“NO I’M NOT”

“AND NOW YOU’RE ON A GREEN ONE!!”

 

“WHATEVER!! I’M AT THE TOP AGAIN ROCKY!”

“WELL AS YOU DIDN’T FOLLOW THOSE RULES AT ALL DEBBIE – YOU HAVE TO LET GO AND SLIDE DOWN!”

But I just couldn’t let go…

“IT’S TOO HIGH ROCKY”

So my date raised the stakes.

“IF YOU LET GO…I’LL TAKE YOU ON A SECOND DATE-”

“WHAT?!!”

“I’LL TAKE YOU OUT ON A SECOND DATE BUT ONLY IF YOU LET GO RIGHT NOW.”

“YOU PROMISE!!?”

“PROMISE! NOW GET DOWN THIS PLACE IS CLOSING”

 

Cost:

Depends whether or not your date is a fully qualified training instructor.

Dangerous Rating:

A date with a muscular gentleman and harness wedged up your fanny?!

One Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s