The Tourist Date

On Paper:

A date admiring the sites of our great city!

Watch out London…

In Reality:

The Date

We met in Covent garden and immediately hit it off.

“Great to meet you Debbie, let’s grab some breakfast then we can go be tourists for the day!”

We tried to go to the ‘Wild Food Cafe’ as it suited his vegetarian dietary needs, but unfortunately that cafe was closed so we found a breakfast spot which suited my dietary needs.

“Please Mrs waitress can I get a chocolate milkshake the size of my head and two burgers – make his a veggie.”

“Burgers for breakfast Debbie?”

“It’s lunchtime somewhere Boris, say cheese!”

We finished our burgers, boarded our Santander bikes and first cycled down the infamous Whitehall Road.

Collecting memories of our love along the way…

“Debbie, I’m in the middle of the road!”

“Just take the picture Boris.”

“It’s really dangerous-”

“NOW.”

We frolicked in the blossoms of Regent Park…

“Are you sure you want your bag in the picture Debbie?”

“Yeah – what’s wrong with it?”

“Nothing.”

…And painted portraits to remember our magical day.

Before stopping to do a few security checks.

We cycled to each spot chatting about our interests…

“I run lots of marathons Debbie, my next one is in Madrid.”

“Madrid?! Wow!”

“How about you? Do you do many sports?”

And I brought up every activity I’d done once on a date.

“I do rock climbing, rollerblading, trampolining, pedaloing, yoga, crossfit, ping pong bit of golf – I’ve always been quite active Boris.”

“Well that’s great, I love sporty girls and we’ve got quite a big cycle coming up to the next place!”

“Awesome news!”

And so we cycled …

“You alright back there Debbie?”

And I was…

For the first few meters.

But the longer we cycled the more my long levers began to struggle…

“This hill’s a bit steep Boris, maybe we should try a different route?”

“We’re on the flat road Debbie. We can stop if you want?”

But I wasn’t fine. My legs began to seize up – even gear one was too stronger force against my progress…

“Debbie are you sure you’re ok?”

I couldn’t keep up the pretence any longer.

“It’s fine, we can walk the bikes the rest of the way. But I’m surprised considering how much exercise you do, we only cycled for a couple of miles?”

I began to panic...

If I told him I couldn’t run 100 metres without savagely vommiting he’d know everything I’d said was a lie…he’d never take me as his life partner, but what other choice did I have…?!

“Small lungs?”

“I got diagnosed last week.”

“I’ve never heard of that before Debbie”

And we walked the bikes to our penultimate destination…

Where my lungs suddenly went back to full capacity.

“OH MY GOD!! IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS BORIS?!”

“Yeah it’s Abbey Road Studios. Shall we get someone to get a picture of us walking across the zebra crossin-”

“I’M NOT WALKING BORIS!!”

“DEBBIE NO!! THAT’S AGAINST THE HIGHWAY CODE!!”

“FUCK THE HIGHWAY CODE!

 

Cost: £2 for bike hire!

Dangerous Rating:

An almost perfect date being a tourist on a shoe string budget…but unfortunately being cut short due to really real medical conditions.

 

 

 

 

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