“Diners eat in the dark, served by blind waiters, from fish, meat and vegetarian surprise menus. Totally deprived of light, your eyes cannot deceive you; therefore all your preconceptions are gone. The sense of taste becomes dominant in the dark once sight becomes dormant”
“So here is the suggestion DD, if you’re free next Sunday I would like to take you on a first date…”
He’d chosen to contact me via email which left many unanswered questions, so I pondered the idea..
Going on a date in the dark with a total stranger, with no idea of his age, his appearance or occupation, or spending a Sunday night in alone wanking.
I collected my belongings and said farewell to my housemate who asked the usual questions… and got the usual responses.
“So who is this date in the dark with?”
“And who is Simon?”
“What does he look like?”
“He could be a murderer Debbie!”
I arrived outside the restaurant, my composed nature began to unsettle as I realized the danger I had put myself in –
What if he was 80 years old? What if he was a murderer?! OR WHAT IF HE WAS SHOR-
I turned, and was faced with something more terrible than I could’ve possibly imagined…
“Debbie, great to meet you – shall we head inside?”
We headed towards the reception area and the host explained our menu options:
“So you can either have the meat, fish or the surprise?”
I was ready to peacock.
“Debbie, I’m just going to get the meat dish – are you sure you want the surprise?”
“Yeah. I like everything Simon, I’m super low maintenance”
The host wrote down our menu options and called us into the room…
“Everyone for the 7pm dining please get in a line with their right hand of the person’s right shoulder in front of them and make their way into the restaurant.”
I put my palm on Simon’s muscular shoulder as the host evaporated into the darkness …
And it all went very dark…
When a calming voice spoke…
“Hello my name is Jack, I will be your waiter for this evening – if you could just put your hand on my left shoulder madame and I will show you to your seat.”
I sat down at my seat and found a way to deal with my fear of the darkness.
“If I keep my eyes closed it’s fine Simon.”
“So I could’ve just taken you to a normal restaurant and you could’ve just shut your eyes.”
Jack popped the wine and water on the table as a fellow diner began yelling:
“MY WINE IS ALL OVER THE TABLE! MY HAND IS SOAKING!!!”
Jack quickly ran over and resolved the situation.
“Your hand is in the water jug madame”
My date and I laughed and I relaxed. But only for a second because even with my eyes tightly closed, in a pitch black room there was no guessing what was about to appear in my mouth ...
“MY STARTER IS AN AVOCADO”
“I’M REALLY ALLERGIC TO AVOCADO”
“Why didn’t you tell them that?!”
“Just have some water and put the avocado down.”
“BUT I CAN’T SEE THE WATER! I CAN’T SEE ANYTHING!…”
And then the mains came out…
“Oh for god’s sake just give it here and you can have mine.”
I could feel my date getting agitated so I steered our conversation away from the food.
“So why did you chose this date Simon?”
“I wrote a bucket list the other day of 100 things I wanted to do and this was one of them.”
“But surely you’re dating loads of other guys Debbie, with the blog and everything.”
“No, not at all – I’ve decided to go celibate until my book gets published.”
Give my fanny a rest.
“Just something I’ve decided to do”
“How long have you been celibate for?”
“Well I’ve got a friend who’s had a few books published, I can send him across an email this evening and introduce you?”
“That would be amazing! But I want to keep this professional – it’s really important to me”
“Of course Debbie…”
And the darkness lifted…
For two courses (decided against dessert) £46
Love hits when you least expect, whether that be in a crowded room or a pitch black basement, the perfect venue for the most perfect first date. Dans Le Noir, a solid 10 out of- –
To be continued…
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