The Boating Date

On Paper:

It’s time to make the greatest love story yourΒ reality.

In Reality:

I received this email.

“Dear Dangerous,

Shall we go for a date on my boat? You’ll love it. Plenty of room for both of us. Google ‘Challenger 3’ and let me know your thoughts.

Thanks,

Sailor Sam.”

So I googled Challenger 2.

And responded:

The Date

I arrived at Kew Gardens and was dumbstruck when I first laid eyes on “The Challenger 3″

But even more dumb struck when I laid eyes on my blind date.

He pushed our pumped vessel onto the Thames…But then I suddenly came to my senses; there were no life jackets, no arm bands….ThisΒ wasn’t just dangerous…

“Come on Debs! Jump on!”

THIS WAS ILLEGAL

But he was everything and more.

My date started to row but those first date nerves got the better of me…

“So, how’s the celibacy going Debs?”

“Well, it certainly makes you appreciate masturbation more Sam!”

It wasn’t the best opener but fortunately he couldn’t go anywhere because we were on a boat.

So luckily the conversation quickly moved away from my fanny and I salvaged the date like a professional…

“Still can’t believe you didn’t pack a waterproof Debs.”

“I wanted to wear stripes Sam…”

“Awww, well you can borrow my coat if you get cold. How long you gonna be with that bottle?”

20 minutes later….

“Oh sod this.”

“Hahaha, you’re cute Debs.”

I was back in the game…

And once the alcohol began flowing we started to really relax, and even though there were moments of silence…

“What you thinking about Debs?”

It didn’t matter anymore…

“Oh nothing Sam…”

OUR FUTURE.

We passed a fellow sailor who momentarily cast a shadow of doubt over our perfect date…

“I’d be careful you two – there be a storm brewing..”

But my date remained optimistic.

“I’m sure we’ll reach Richmond before then…”

“Alright then, but don’t say I didn’t warn you..”

We left the old sailor wittering away and kept paddling with little fear for his words,..

A few specs of rain started coming down, but my date and I laughed it off like a couple of young lovers…

Then it got worse and we stopped laughing.

We waited in the reeds hoping the storm would pass, when my date spoke:

“Do you mind if I do something Debs,..?”

My mind started racing…but I remained silent.

“I’ve been desperate to do it since we got on the boat and I’m not sure I can hold it in any longer…”

And I knew exactly what was coming.

But life isn’t the most romantic 21st century film – it’s cold and awful.

And then the boat started sinking.

And then even my date started complaining.

“We’re going to have to return to shore. Debbie please give me back my coat, I’m so cold.”

We left the reeds and discovered it wasn’t even raining, and it had just been the droplets from the branches that had soaked us for the past twenty minutes.

And returned to shore where I knew I needed to start making foundations for a second date before it was too late…

“Sam, how do you feel about second dates?”

“Sam, what activities do you like to do on a second date?”

“Sam, when would you be free to go on a second date?”

Cost:

Free if you’ve got the ‘Challenger 3’

Dangerous rating:

Came out the other side with a handsome gentleman and wetter than all my dates pre celibacy…

But as for that second date…

I tried.

 

 

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