“The home of Europe’s Largest Aqua Park, set on one of the most beautiful private freshwater lakes amongst stunning parkland in the heart of Berkshire (Slough). there’s something for all the family to enjoy”
“Dangerous Debbie, there’s a place called Liquid Leisure in Slough, it’s an enormous water park with an inflatable obstacle course if you fancy it?”
“There’s one other thing…My friends call me Dangerous Dave – you might’ve met your match DD…”
“I JUST SAW A FUCKING SNAKE DAVE!!”
“No you didn’t Debbie, stop being dramatic”
“DRAMATIC?! DID YOU NOT SEE THAT SIGN!”
As soon as we’d left the train my date had decided to follow Google Maps instead of the actual signs to the water park…
“It’ll be fine – let’s just follow this path Debbie.”
We walked deeper into the jungle getting stung by every nettle, sucked by every Sloughian slug when-
THE DATE – Take Two
Fortunately the security were on hand to lift us over the gates of hell.
And my date went to reception to get us signed in, as I prepped my body for the course.
“Debbie, do you want a wetsuit?”
“You sure? The water is gonna be cold.”
“Me and the water are like this-”
“Come on Debs”
…Me and the water were not “like that“.
“Debbie you have to atleast try!”
My date sprinted across all the obstacles with ease. He’d fail to mention he was a professional cliff jumper and his ancestors were Irish dolphins:
“Go on Debbie – you do it then.”
“It’s so easy Debbie! Try again.”
I got to the point of giving up. We’d been out on the water for 20 minutes, my date had now clambered to the top of the highest obstacle as I sat in the baltic cold contemplating my existence…
“YOU OK DOWN THERE DEBBIE?”
My date did a quick triple back flip corkscrew elevated leap off the 10 ft inflatable…
When the life guard called for our final 10 minute warning:
“Can everyone return to the entrance, this is your final call please be as quick as possible”
I looked at the obstacle in front of me. My date crossed with ease and yelled for me to follow.
This was my last chance.
“Come on Debbie! What you waiting for?”
But the panic started sinking in again…
“DEBBIE WE DON’T HAVE ALL DAY – JUST GIVE UP AND SWIM ACROSS!”
Then an onlooker approached…
“In the army, they say If you run like a duck you don’t fall in.”
Fucking bothered – never going there again.
“COME ON DEBBIE!”