The Hogwarts Date

On PAPER:

Whether you come back by age or the big screen, Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home…

IN REALITY:

“Call yourself a Harry Potter fan DD? You’ve never even been to Hogwarts.”

The Date

I called my sister whilst waiting on platform 9 3/4 for my date to appear…

“Morning sister.”

“Debbie it’s 6:45 am why are you calling me?”

“Just bored – waiting for my date.”

“At this time?!”

“Yeah I’m going Hogwarts.”

“Why are you going to Hogwarts?!”

“This guy emailed in and accused me of not being a real fan because I’d never been,”

“So you came to the conclusion that you would travel four hours up North with this random man to prove a point.”

“Yeah.”

“This is actually dangerous Debbie.”

“I’m telling mum-”

“NO – DON’T YOU DARE!”

I continued to yell down the phone – throwing all sorts of threats at my sister to keep her quiet…

When a deep voice spoke behind me…

“Debbie?”

I turned and there stood my date but the ongoing fight with my sister had made my brain fall completely blank…

“Hello…”

“….he who must not be named?”

…Which didn’t help the yelling…

“YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HIS NAME DEBBIE”

So I silenced my sister and boarded the train with my date

…but after the first hour of forced conversation en route I was exhausted so-.

“Debbie, you can sleep if you want?”

I fell into deep slumber, no longer in this ghastly muggle reality – but returning to the wizarding world, with just me and Harry, in our special place – the room of requirements…

“Don”t feel bad Harry, Ginny could never offer you the life of danger you so desperately crave all the time”

“I’m so grateful you hunted me down on that marauders map Debbie,  – But where do we go from here? What do you require?”

” Come here Harry ….ACCIO PEN-“

“Debbie, we’re here!”

“Look outside your window…”

It was everything I’d imagined and more…I ran to the entrance with my date trailing behind, he had shown no interest in my love for Harry Potter, even referring to Harry’s godfather not as Sirius Black but a person named…

We reached the entrance and my paranoia did not settle when the guard stepped forward…

“Tickets please you two.”

…And my date spoke.

“I used to be in the army – I was told I don’t need a ticket. My name is Malcolm…”

“…I should already be on the list?”

My date began staring intently at the guard muttering incantations …

Which descended me into dark thoughts I couldn’t not hear..

“I know the Duke of Northumberland. This castle holds the key to my eternal 10 out of 10…”

“Right you are Mr Malcolm. Quidditch practise takes place every 20 minutes, watch out for the nifflers they been thieving all season and the coffee shop does a fantastic tuna melt.”

…The guard immediately moved out the way – although he did seem a little confused after my dates meddling spell…

We walked through the gates as my date went into more detail about his time in the army – but I was onto him now…

“I was also part of an army Malcolm.”

“Really.”

“Yeah…”

We entered the castle and approached the archery stand where we were handed our bows.

“So is this a competition you two?”

And I took my bow and played like a true Hufflepuff with…

And I succeeded!

“The young lady has won by two points! Would you like a photo next to your victorious moment?”

I stored an arrow away in my bag, listening to my date attempting to recover from his failure…

“That was totally beginners luck Debbie – it was all very basic stuff in comparison to what I’m used to.”

“Basics goes along way in this world Malcolm…”

We left the archery and I quickly got changed. If I was going to be the part ….

We walked towards the Quidditch practise. My date had already mentioned he wasn’t a fan of broomsticks –

Of course why would he be, when he can fly!

So he wouldn’t be participating in this session, but then-

“I’m sorry madame – all the slots are fully booked for this session.”

NOR WOULD I.

“Don’t be upset Madame! You can always book in for the later session at 4:30?”

Evil is bad but occasionally necessary-

“MALCOLM, DO YOUR MIND READING SHIT”

“What are you on about Debbie?”

“DON’T PLAY DUMB – YOU KNOW I CAN’T DO IT”

“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

Sod it.

“Give me the broomstick”

“But you need proper training Madame – it says on the Hogwarts syllabus-”

“I can handle a bit of wood between my legs – give me that stick.”

I returned my broomstick and then the we were ready for the most exciting part of the day –

I’d heard other muggles had reportedly fainted from inhaling toxic fumes while walking through this forbidden garden – but it didn’t scare me, I could out scream any Mandrake-

My date stepped forward towards the elderly guard…

“We don’t have any tickets but I know the Duke-”

But this time I was ready.

“CLOSE YOUR MIND ALBUS”

“Debbie stop waving that wand around it’s a piece of plastic”

“So hang on, you both don’t have tickets?!”

“Then you both need to leave.”

“But I just saved your life?”

We got shown out the castle and stood outside at a loss of what to do…

“Debbie, can you stop making that weird noise.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“DEBBIE.”

My date disappeared for a few minutes but then returned with a large grin…

“What you smiling about Voldy?”

“I’ve got you a special ride back to the train station Debbie.”

And round the corner came something even greater than a Nimbus 3000 or a firebolt – I looked to my date who was now beaming…

 

 

Cost:

Free (if you’ve mastered the art of Legillimens)

Dangerous Rating:

Didn’t get to experience the whole castle – but did travel back to the station in my Hufflepuff house colours.

 

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