The Mariah Carey Date

On Paper:

 For 1.5 hours you’ll be taken through the DANCE moves OF A 90’s Christmas classic, Grab a mate and get on down to this Christmas Spectacular at Drink, Shop & Do

In Reality:

“Dear DD, I am just recently out of a 7 year relationship and have never officially been on a “first date”. Fancy taking my dating virginity? Gary x”

The Date

It hadn’t got off to the best start…

“I swear it’s this way Gary!”

“You said it was that way five minutes ago Debbie! Just give me the map.”

“No. You mustn’t know where we are going.”

“Just give it here here you bellend.”


But fortunately it didn’t take too long to realise…

“God, are all girls this difficult on a first date?”

And we arrived…

“What is this place Debbie?!”

We walked through the doors and were greeted by others and my date quickly discovered this was not a 21st Century date, but instead…

“Right ladies and our very first Gentleman are we ready to become Mariah Carey?!”

A dance class.

“Debbie you better be fucking joking”

And the instructor began the session with a quick warm up

“Right everyone let’s just do a few sumo squats and star jumps!”

“Debbie you can’t just stand there.”

Then it began…

“So we all know the first part of the song where Mariah is just showing off her vocals. So to begin I just want you to freestyle…”

The instructor hit play and everyone took to their fake microphones, channelling their inner Mariah, and then most unexpectedly…

Date: “Debbie give me that Santa hat. If I’m going to do this I’m going to do this properly.”

“Give me the hat.”

My date went from 6″6, 19 stone rugby lad to the Queen of the dance…

Instructor: “Great work everyone – now who is ready to learn the routine?”

We went through all the different moves,..

Instructor: “So this move is called the melt – put your hands in the air and let them fall like they’re melting and finish it with a spin.”

“I like the melt Gar-”

Although there were a few moves he struggled with…

“Your shoulders are a bit big for that move.”

Instructor: “Ok, I think we’re all ready for the final performance… If you want to get into your positions.”

I looked to my date, the Virgin Mariah…I had to give this my all.

“Ready gang!”

“And who do we want for Christmas guys?!”

“Now this is the complicated bit so listen carefully….”

“Did everyone get that?!”

“And hold them like you mean it!”





Dangerous Rating:

“Hello, please can I speak to the Queen.”

11 OUT OF 10!

DD xx

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