Use WW2 Enigma machines, protocols and Sherlock’s deduction principles to create personalised cocktail recipes which will stay a secret between and you and our agents. Forever…
A week post Christmas…
I began imagining the embarrassment of turning up to friends nuptials,, seeing them with their plus ones, pension schemes – dignity as I rocked up with my Dildo – I needed a solution.
“DD I’m looking for a partner to help me break the enigma – how are you at deciphering codes? Hanz x”
“Good. Tonight, The Bletchley, 8pm. Don’t be late.”
My date and I took our seats at the venue and waited for instructions from the top agent as I tried to make small talk…
“It’s Hanz. From the Hebrew meaning – Gift of the Gods, I am the descendant to the great German Sausage family – The Bratwurst, and the father to a dead cat, Adolphus and I am here to get my vengence.”
“Hello future Agents, I am Agent Lululemon, are we ready to break the enigma?”
“Great, so before we begin first you must come up with your Agent names and let me know if you have any specific allergies for your custom made cocktails.”
Hanz: “No allergies – I will be Agent Walnut.”
“Ok and for you Madame”
“Well I’m highly allergic to avocado Agent Lululemon, and for my name I wanna be something original but a bit quirky – maybe something a little bit dangero-”
Hanz: “She’ll be Agent Avocado”
“Agent Walnut and Agent Avocado welcome to your top secret mission, To break the enigma you must read this set of instructions carefully which will allow you to fill in the gaps of the coordinates for the Germans and ingredients to your cocktails, If you get stuck – look to the walls…”
Agent Walnut began reading the mission – but I was one step ahead.
“What the hell are you doing Avocado?”
I could hear my date whispering to himself in German…
Then I head him yelling to himself in German
“Walnut please calm down-”
“AGENT WALNUT IS MALFUNCTIONING!!!”
“MY NAME IS HANZ – GIFT OF THE GODS! FATHER TO A DEAD CAT”
“I wish I was at home with Adolphus – he used to do the funniest things…”
Sure he fucking did.
I could see my date was getting very distressed so I abandoned my wall…
And for the first time in my life…
Names and numbers began jumping from the paper, The clues began appearing on the walls..then .it all clicked.
“Out the way Walnut.”
“What you gonna do Avocado – stare at a wall again?”
I began putting the clues together – first from a poster which had a small inscription written below which pointed me towards a clock who’s hands sent me along to…
I took the numbers on the walls which corresponded with the letters on the instructions, did some very complex key stage 3 algebra…
“Walnut, you got a pen?”
“Adolphus loved pens.”
Probably how he died.
…And singlehandedly I uncovered the coordinates.
“Bet you want a second date now Agent Walnut?”
“There’s no spark, There hasn’t been a spark since Adolphu-”
“Well a huge congratulations on breaking the enigma, would you like a photo to remember this monumental occasion?”
“Absolutely Agent Lululemon!”
The experience: 10 out of 10.
The date: No spark…
Happy New Year!
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