1. Everyone gets fat in first year.
2. This gilet will ignite your loins in ways you didn’t even realise were possible…
3. Whilst this program will make your blood boil to absolute breaking point.
4. It will take a very unique male to pull off the Dubarry boot.
5. “Does your farm come with a preinstalled Aga?” and “How many acres?” are popular conversation starters.
6. Crow bangers are thrown as leisurely as rugby balls.
7. Everyone will know you’ve had sex, probably even before you realise you’ve had sex.
8. Chylamdia will circulate as everyone does the rounds.
9. So the likelihood of bumping into a past mate at the clinic are high.
10. This book will be your bible.
11. The short men will make up for their little legs with large bottoms.
12. Tickets to the The Lamma tractor show are in higher demand than the Victoria Secrets Fashion show.
13. Extra curricular activities take place…
14. If you are not 100% white you will be used in every prospectus.
15. The Wurzels will headline every year for a large fee.
16. You will have the best nights off your life in a cowshed.
17. Those you recoiled at in first year, you will have shagged eight times by final year.
18. The only thing anyone will remain faithful to is their preferred tractor brand.
19. Initiation to everything is even more petrifying than you can possibly imagine.
20. Wine will be drank out of buckets not bottles.
21. When you graduate employers will say, “I’ve never heard of that uni?” and then question your entire CV.
22. And finally, just because a sheep has a black face does not mean it’s a sheep with a penis.
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