22 Things I learnt At An Agricultural Uni

1. Everyone gets fat in first year. 2. This gilet will ignite your loins in ways you didn’t even realise were possible… 3. Whilst this program will make your blood boil to absolute breaking point. 4. It will take a very unique male to pull off the Dubarry boot. 5. “Does your farm come with […]

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To All The Women

  To the women who brought us into this world… “Mum, can I borrow some money?” “No. You’re old enough to make your own money.” And occasionally probably wanna take us out. “GET OFF THE STUDENT LOAN WEBSITE, YOUNG LADY – THAT IS NOT FREE MONEY!” To the women who continue to be our biggest fans and support […]

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How To Get The Right Swipe

On Paper: It’s time to compete against the twenty-one-year olds who have thousands of social media followers and promising careers as Instagram models. It’s time to Tinder…   In Reality: The super likes had dropped. My fanny was drying up with the cold weather. I needed a solution. And that was when I discovered Saskia, […]

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The Valentine’s Day Date

On Paper: “Hey Dangerous, This is the Comedian Luisa Omeilan I always rave about and have booked us tickets to her show “What Would Beyonce Do?” at Clapham Grand. It’s going to be aired on BBC3 this Valentine’s Day so wear something nice. If you can’t come I’ll just invite someone who is better than […]

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The Fairy Tale Date

On Paper: Princess meets Prince, they fall in love and everyone lives happily ever after…. In Reality: In a kingdom far, far too expensive lived the most dangerous (desperate) Princess of them all with her honest stepsister: “Laura, what do you think of this guy?” “Debbie that’s a girl!” “Oh yeah” “Why are there girls on your Tinder anyway […]

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A Festive Round-Up

1) Coming home for Christmas After my 12 dates (of hell) I was looking forward to a peaceful Christmas with my family (“Oh mum chill out. I’m not actually doing a sequel to Debbie Does Dallas”). My parents hadn’t seen me for ages (since mother had discovered DD) and were excited to catch up. (“Anymore […]

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Why your vagina is a little..

They could be prettier ‘axe wound’, ‘penis fly trap’, ‘beef curtains’ They are high maintenance They have a self-cleaning system Discharge. Spontaneous sex is not an option when a boy whips them off in a frenzy and they fall solid to the ground They are the fun police ‘No seriously stop, I’m going to wet myself, […]

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