The Las Vegas Holidate

On Paper: What happens in Vegas… In Reality: The Cape Town Holidate – Part Two [Continued] I had the jet lag. “Debbie, please try sleep.” “Just try -” But I couldn’t. “What are you doing now?!” “Stop it and come back to bed.” “You’re not going to sleep are you?” The best thing about Melvin […]

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The Cape Town Holidate, Part Two

The Cape Town Hoildate, Part One Cont. Day Two The romance from the day before was gone and replaced with… “What is going on in there, Melvin?!” “It’s nothing – I’m fine – get away from the door-” “It sounds like a dinosaur is giving birth?!” “That would be my arse …” “Please just go […]

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The Cape Town Holidate, Part One

For my younger readers the information you are about to read is not safe and should not be done unless supervised. For my older readers – we’re not getting any younger… On Paper: Don’t speak to strangers on the internet and don’t go on holiday with them. In Reality: I’d let myself go; I hadn’t […]

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Malta – A Roaches’ Revenge (Part Two)

Malta – A Roaches’ Tale [Part One] Continued. Unfortunately The Desperate One was found by the receptionist – she had trapped herself in the lift for forty minutes. The Welsh One’s rage had subsided. And The Tanned One was still shaken from Bruce’s dick pics but had found comfort in her Kindle… But The Tall […]

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Malta – A Roaches Tale [Part One]

On Paper: We outlived the dinosaurs, my great-great Grandmother survived a nuclear explosion and my father lived for a record breaking two weeks without his head. As for me, I have lived everyday of my life in the hotel, Beach Gardens in Malta, and up until this month I had never faced any problems… My […]

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An Italian Adventure – Part Two

I woke the following morning and tried to remember the night before (whilst watching Merryn sleep). I did this most mornings – but I’d soon get bored (get told to “fuck off – go and scrub your wall”) so I’d take my sponge and random selection of cleaning products (vinegar, lemonade, bleach, milk – anything […]

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An Italian Adventure – Part One

My friend Merryn and I decided we needed a holiday – we’d heard fantastic things about Sicily (so I accidentally booked flights to Brindisi). The flights were booked for 5am Monday. We decided it was best to stay awake the night before (drink two bottles of prosecco whilst destroying some avocado bacon sandwiches) we were […]

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