Malta – A Roaches’ Revenge (Part Two)

Malta – A Roaches’ Tale [Part One] Continued. Unfortunately The Desperate One was found by the receptionist – she had trapped herself in the lift for forty minutes. The Welsh One’s rage had subsided. And The Tanned One was still shaken from Bruce’s dick pics but had found comfort in her Kindle… But The Tall […]

Read More

Malta – A Roaches Tale [Part One]

On Paper: We outlived the dinosaurs, my great-great Grandmother survived a nuclear explosion and my father lived for a record breaking two weeks without his head. As for me, I have lived everyday of my life in the hotel, Beach Gardens in Malta, and up until this month I had never faced any problems… My […]

Read More

An Italian Adventure – Part Two

I woke the following morning and tried to remember the night before (whilst watching Merryn sleep). I did this most mornings – but I’d soon get bored (get told to “fuck off – go and scrub your wall”) so I’d take my sponge and random selection of cleaning products (vinegar, lemonade, bleach, milk – anything […]

Read More

An Italian Adventure – Part One

My friend Merryn and I decided we needed a holiday – we’d heard fantastic things about Sicily (so I accidentally booked flights to Brindisi). The flights were booked for 5am Monday. We decided it was best to stay awake the night before (drink two bottles of prosecco whilst destroying some avocado bacon sandwiches) we were […]

Read More

#16 Don’t Judge A Book By Its Cover, Or A City By Its Name

Debbie and Ellie arrive in Brisbane Catch train to hostel Check in It smells Have a walk round Brisbane Find ‘beach’ – a litter ridden lido which also smells Ellie and Debbie are beginning to question why people keep banging on about Australia Check out of hostel Ellie desperately searches any city that is a […]

Read More

#15 Seriously, wear a seatbelt.

Debbie and Ellie find employment at Irish bar down the road But still awkwardly live at ex-employer Russell’s home Every morning is uncomfortable Walk to work in 38 degrees heat Begin cleaning rooms for men who work in mines and serving behind the bar They seem nice Overly nice Get home to find note from […]

Read More

#14 Fired.

Holidays is spent with Russells’ family They explain the walls of their home used to be infested with snakes Great- next topic. Christmas morning Abbie, Satans sporn, gets a Barbie and calls it Ellie The family find it endearing and look at Ellie with loving eyes Debbie considers hitting a child Makes final attempt to […]

Read More